CREATIVE WRITING QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

"I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die."
Isaac Asimov*

Isaac Asimov was an American Jew, born in Russia but brought up in new York. He was a professor of biochemistry and a prolific author of short stories, more than 500 books (science and science fiction) and over 90000 letters.

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CREATIVE WRITING QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

"Writing comes more easily if you have something to say."

Sholem Asch*

Sounds like common sense to me. Nothing to say is either a bad case of writers’ block or a good case for going out and experiencing something to write about.

*The novelist and playwright Sholem Asch, was born to a poor family, one of ten surviving children, in Kutno, Poland in 1880 and died in London in 1957. He finally went to live in Israel in 1956. He was one of the most controversial, prolific and widely-known writers in Yiddish literature. Some of his most controversial writing explores the common heritage of Christianity and Judaism. He immigrated to the U.S. in 1909, becoming an American citizen in 1920 and much of his writing deals with this and the wider experiences of Jews in eastern Europe.

By Sholem Asch

The Mother, Three Cities (1933), Salvation (1934), The War Goes On (1936), and Three Novels (1938), The War Goes On, The Nazarene, The Apostle (1943), Mary (1949), and The Prophet (1953).

more about Sholem Asch

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A ROUNDABOUT WAY TO GET TO WORK…

I am a roundabout traveller. I travel round in circles – or semi circles – or quarter circles, to get to work. There are 8 roundabouts on my 15 minute journey! The first circle on my route is at the top of my road. This roundabout takes the very dodgy form of a small, slightly raised, white painted circle in the middle of a junction (which used to be called a crossroad) which is edged by grey oblong paviours. The layout of the junction is such that buses cannot travel correctly around it - they have to go the wrong side of it if they need to turn into one of the exits – very neat! Many drivers in smaller vehicles are too lazy to go all the way round this 6 foot diameter roundabout and go across it or, as the buses do, round the wrong side of it. This often causes accidents – well, that’s a no-brainer! Small heaps of broken headlight and stop light glass are often testament to this. But actually when I arrive (last) at this roundabout often all 3 of the other exits have a frozen rabbit motorist sitting in them – not knowing when, if or how to go! I get bored, I’m usually late for work and so I make an executive decision and go – then so do they!

Next up is a rather larger roundabout in the middle of a dual carriageway –this just means that people waiting to leave their exits think they have more time to drive out in front of me without me actually hitting them. As many of these vehicles are huge lorries, their gamble pays off – I’ve made it a rule to never drive at anything bigger then my car!

Within several hundred yards is the third roundabout on my route – ditto the previous one – although, as it’s slightly smaller, the speeds of the roundabout louts are slower.

The next roundabout is huge! It has seven exits and the roundabout itself could usefully accommodate a small housing development – especially as Mr Prescott has ambitious plans to cram a few thousand more houses into the area – I’m surprised he hasn’t thought of it yet! Some time ago the people who decide these things decided we needed traffic lights on this roundabout – they were duly installed – erm… I thought roundabouts were a clever, modern way of doing away with the tailbacks that traffic lights caused? Anyway, after just a few weeks they were not working – a malfunctioning chip! Many people had complained about tailbacks – (I travel at peak times and never saw any) and the local MP voiced his dissatisfaction. Apparently, after the new chip was installed it was decided not to switch the lights back on and that was months ago – well, they only cost £600,000 of taxpayers' money - who cares? No-one has missed the lights and there haven’t been any traffic jams – the lights are still in position – but not switched on - I wonder just how much of our money all that has cost to date? We'll probably find out quite soon when we get our new Council Tax bills.

So, back to my journey – my fifth roundabout is average-sized – but obviously takes some people by surprise (well, it is in the middle of a dual carriageway) as there is evidence that they have crashed straight into it. The black and white chevron barrier on it has been flattened for months now – no-one seems in a hurry to replace it - no money probably - they spent it all on useless traffic lights. Within a couple of hundred yards is another roundabout – same size, same problems and the roundabout louts always want to pull out from my left, they never want to wait until I’ve passed them – they’re always pulling out and driving across my back bumper – assuming – stupidly - that I won’t need to brake for any reason as I drive on!

The sixth roundabout has flowerbeds and the name of a local church emblazoned across it – very strange indeed! This one is usually fairly calm – not much traffic from my right and usually no-one trying to pull out in front of me. Next and seventh one then, only a couple of hundred yards on – no problems except that the prevailing traffic cannot usually leave the roundabout due to jams on one of the exit roads. Almost at work - only another 2 roundabouts to go! Next one is quieter – only one exit off to get to the local supermarket and then I’m into work - one more small roundabout with high curbs, signs and barriers on it – you wouldn’t want to drive over that one – but a lot of people still think it’s just so much quicker to go round the wrong side!

Well that’s it - my circuitous 9 mile journey to work!

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On Being “Nice”

The word “nice” is, as my old English teacher would have said, an over-used and useless adjective. In fact he was so obsessed by a loathing of the word that we were forbidden to use it in any written work. The trouble is that now, some thirty-five years later, we seem to have grown reliant on that small four-letter word for our every utterance. So over-used is it, that it has no “clout” to speak of in the world of description. So weak has it become that its use as a compliment could even be seen as damning with faint praise.

Try having a “nice-free” day and you’ll soon be left struggling for the right word to use in its place and that can be very awkward. Can you imagine meeting your friend for a coffee and saying something like “Hi! That’s a really attractive shirt you’re wearing” or “The food is excellent here”, or, even odder, “You look beautiful”. She would probably think you were behaving very strangely, as we have come to expect that everyone will use “nice” to describe everything. Any variance may be perceived as being loaded with some “other” meaning such as sarcasm, spite or irony. However, my “nice” replacements are perfectly correct and they describe the noun beautifully – or should that be nicely? Just joking!

I suppose laziness is to blame. We have found a “nice” word that covers all the ranges of descriptions that we may need. We use “nice” instead of having to think of (and choose between) excellent, good, beautiful, attractive, tasty, enjoyable, pretty, kind, polite, friendly, pleasant, clean… and so on and on and on. Just look it up in your Roget’s Thesaurus! But if “nice” means all these things and more, then isn’t it actually meaning-less? The joy of the English language is that it is blessed with a huge range of words meaning almost (but never quite) the same thing and this allows us to be (with some effort) blindingly accurate in our description of anything.

But “nice” can also be given all kinds of meanings that don’t relate simply to description. For example, I once knew an elderly lady who used to describe any young women of her acquaintance, as “nice” girls or “not nice” and she was not describing their appearance or their personality – this was a direct assessment of their sexual morals. This use of “nice” could actually be seen as more accurate than all our own lazy “generalisms”, as the dictionary also defines “nice” as meaning “fastidious” and “refined”. Conversely, children who are said to “come from a nice family” are probably less accurately perceived as having good manners, middle-class values, education, breeding (whatever that means!), money, good taste or strong morals.

“Nice” has become the conversational staple of the hairdresser and the checkout cashier. When I’m asked, “Going anywhere nice tonight?”, I always feel that to answer “No, just staying at home.”, seems to say something negative about my living conditions. Even worse, the hackneyed, transatlantic “Have a nice day!” always makes me cringe, so often has it been ridiculed in sit-coms. As I reply, “And you!”, I pity the shop assistant and the manager that insists that she repeats it to every single customer. I loathe the commercial system that thinks we are stupid enough to believe it to be sincere. Not nice!

So that’s it – nice is so weak it’s virtually useless – it even needs “add-ons” to make it remotely emphatic, for example, “Nice one!”, meaning “Well done! It’s great”, or, sarcastically, the complete opposite (see what I mean?). Then there is “Very nice” – with the stress on “very” which also means either actually very good or the complete opposite.

That’s it I’m finished – call the “Nice” police – it’s an emergency.

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Tesco to roll out new, larger shopping trolley!

I hear that Vauxhall has offered Tesco a special deal to replace its stock of shopping trolleys with a slightly larger, new style trolley. This special deal is due to a naturally occurring surplus that they can now, no longer accommodate.

It is believed that the bigger wheel on each corner will provide stability, easier handling and more reliable steering - they guarantee that the awful stomach-muscle pulling effort of dragging the old style trolleys back to your vehicle will be a thing of the past. The new trolley will roll with ease once the easy-to-use, centrally placed handbrake leaver is released.

The problem of customers removing the trolleys from store sites will be successfully eradicated as the new trolleys will not be able to be taken on any long journeys due to a built-in "short journey only" factor, cleverly integrated into the core design.

Night-time shopping has been made easier by the provision of sportily raked headlight-style lamps on the front of the trolley and small red reflectors on the rear. There are other larger red lights on the back of the trolley – but at the present time, it is unclear if they will, in fact protect the customer from rear end shunts or trolley rage.

There will be more seats in the new trolley (with appropriate seat belt provision) to comfortably accommodate up to 5 children (this reflects today's growing trend for bigger families) or 4 smaller children and a granny. At the rear of the trolley is an extremely large receptacle for rubbish, which only needs emptying once or twice a year (or in emergences when the customer may wish to accommodate more shopping).

This new style trolley was recently trialled at a Tesco store, raising immediate concerns that more trolley shelters will need to be built to house them (see above).

Customer feedback is eagerly awaited.

Did you chuck out your chintz?

If you are, like most of us over ten, old enough to remember Ikea’s 1993 ad campaign telling us “Chuck out your chintz”, then you might be shuddering at the terrible inevitability of recurring fashion trends. There is, if you’ve opened a Sunday supplement or actually any magazine this year, a terrible, creeping invasion of rose sprigged anything and everything. So if, when you went in for those white walls, purple carpets, red settees and barcode art, you threw all your chintz in the loft instead of the skip, you’re laughing – just dig it all out again and give that persistent fashion merry-go-round of rampant commercialism a poke in the eye for once!

Interestingly, if you Google Ikea’s famous phrase, you will see it has been generally adopted to describe the throwing out of anything useless. “Useless” of course is a very subjective word – if its rose-printed exterior offends our eye, does that make the item no longer fit for purpose? No. If past generations had chucked out everything on a commercial whim we would not have any antiques at all, let alone all those Victorian chintz patterns that are now used by designers as inspiration for their “new” ideas!

It all began quietly last summer when a high street camping supplier offered us a rose bespattered tent to take our annual summer holiday in. As a camper myself, I have to say that I have never, ever seen anyone on any campsite, pitch this pretty canvas chocolate box. Perhaps they were too shy to leave their back gardens.

Of course there’s an upside to all this – you know camping must be really cool when designers take an interest in it! And now there’s a choice of – no not just one rose bespattered tent but several ditsy daisy designs to camp in. Or should that be camp it up in? And it doesn’t end there – you can buy just about anything rose printed or flower bedecked - anything you like from a doormat to a kitchen chair, a radio to a shopping bag, plates, crockery, cutlery, a car – let alone the “chintziest” choice of armchairs, curtains, blinds and carpets. If you really did chuck out all your chintzy stuff back in 1993, you may be sorry. Sorry that is, that you’re a bit of a fashion victim.

They say never go back. That means the mini, batwing tops, ra-ra skirts, wedge heels – no wait - I’ve just bought some of them - and flares, well - may be some things are worth revisiting…

Appuldurcombe Gardens Holiday Park, Isle of Wight

Just got back from 5 days in the Isle of Wight - one of my favourite UK holiday destinations. We camped in Appuldurcombe Gardens Holiday Park - very pretty, neat short grass, lovely flower beds, clean showers and toilets, great swimming pool - not at all crowded due to the fact that the schools haven't broken up yet. We were unable to formally book in on arrival due to being asked not to arrive before 1pm - guess what? The reception was only open in the morning to 1pm!Trouble is, the managers seemed to have the opinion that, although it was the first week in July, the season hadn't really started, so it was unnecessary to rush to serve anyone that did appear in the almost empty bar. Although the shop was open it was poorly stocked with very little bread and when I wanted some, early one morning, when I would have assumed they would have had deliveries, they only had the 2 loaves I'd seen there on the previous day!The shop did have lots of cheap kiddy toys though - I suppose they don't go out of date.

It is a shame about this campsite, we won't be going back - it was not exactly cheap at £5.20 per adult per night plus £2.50 per night for electrical hook-up - which for us meant £23.30 per night. I may be expecting too much, but I think that is expensive, especially when we were made to feel that we weren't worth bothering with as it wasn't "high season". A warmer welcome would have ensured that we would have used the site again - despite the price.

However I do love the island and the weather was fairly okay. We had a great time at The Brading Experience (welcoming and pleasant staff) and a great coffee and cake (very reasonably priced and tasty) in their café. The lovely plates of salads, baguettes, filled jacket potatoes etc. wafting past our table made us sorry we didn't have time for lunch! A down side of the experience was our visit to the "designer outlet" at Brading - miserable sales assistant and expensive clothes - some of which were from George at Asda and others were just not "designer" at all . I have to add here that my husband pointed out that every garment is designed by someone - yes, but we don't want to pay through the nose for those that are a lot less "designed" than they could be!

One highlight of our holiday was eating fish and chips on a late sunny afternoon at West Cowes on the seafront, as the ferries whizzed in and out and another was a coffee break (yes, with cake again and yes, very reasonably priced) at Newport in the Quay Arts Centre. There are always plenty of arty crafty things to see and usually an exhibition of paintings as well - all free to go into. The Model Village at Godshill deserves a big round of applause for giving us a family ticket (just for our cheek!) when our two youngsters, at 17 and 18 years, did not really qualify as "children" - and doing it with a smile and a joke! We love the model and its beautiful trees (our third visit) it is well-kept, clean and all newly painted for the season - just great!

Another memorable experience was revisiting the Old Battery at the Needles in the wind, rain and fog! It certainly recreated the unhappy conditions generations of soldiers must have had to endure (and this was July). We caught the bus up to it - £8 for the four of us ( can't be more than a mile) and walked back - by which time the weather was brighter!

So, we are already listing all the visits we didn't have time to make this holiday - Isle of Wight Steam Railway, Ventnor Botanical Gardens, Bembridge Windmill etc. for our next visit, oh, and we'll be searching for another campsite!